Breaking Free From Perfectionism: A Guide to Healthier Thinking

Do you often feel like nothing you do is ever good enough? Are you constantly worried about making mistakes or letting others down? If so, you might be dealing with perfectionistic thinking. Maybe the difficult standards you set for yourself even bleed into your expectations of, and relationships with, others – causing unwanted friction and conflict. While striving for excellence can be positive, perfectionism can hold us back and cause unnecessary stress. Let’s explore what perfectionism is and how we can work towards healthier thought patterns.

Understanding Perfectionism

Perfectionism is when we set extremely high standards for ourselves and feel upset when we don’t meet them. It’s like having an inner voice that always says, “It’s not good enough” or “You should have done better.” This way of thinking can affect our work, relationships, and overall happiness.

The Downsides of Perfectionism

While it might seem like perfectionism helps us achieve more, it often does the opposite:

1. It can lead to procrastination because we’re afraid to start something if we can’t do it perfectly.
2. It can cause stress and anxiety as we worry about every little detail.
3. It can harm our self-esteem when we constantly feel like we’re falling short.
4. It can make it hard to enjoy our accomplishments because we’re always focused on what could be better.

Perfectionism is HARD on us, so let’s address it.

Steps to Overcome Perfectionistic Thinking

1. Recognize Perfectionist Thoughts

The first step is to notice when you’re having perfectionistic thoughts. Some common ones are:

• “I must never make mistakes.”
• “If it’s not perfect, it’s a failure.”
• “I should be able to do everything well.”

When you catch yourself thinking this way, pause and remind yourself that these thoughts aren’t helpful or realistic.

2. Challenge Your Thoughts

Ask yourself:

• Is this thought realistic?
• Would I expect this level of perfection from a friend?
• What’s the worst that could happen if something isn’t perfect?
• How important will this be in a week, a month, or a year?

3. Set Realistic Goals

Instead of aiming for perfection, try setting goals that are challenging but achievable. Break big tasks into smaller steps and celebrate your progress along the way.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned. Talk to yourself like you would to a good friend. Remember that everyone makes mistakes and has flaws – it’s part of being human.

5. Focus on the Process, Not Just the Outcome

Try to enjoy the journey of learning and improving, not just the end result. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this experience?” instead of “Did I do it perfectly?”

6. Embrace “Good Enough”

Not everything needs to be perfect. For many tasks, doing a good job is enough. Save your energy for the things that truly matter most to you.

7. Makes Friends With Criticism

Remember that feedback, even if it feels negative, can help us grow. Try to see criticism as a chance to improve, not as proof that you’ve failed.

8. Delegate or Delete

If you struggle with perfectionism, you might feel like you have to do everything yourself in order for it to be done right but find it’s too overwhelming! Evaluate what can be done by others (embracing the ‘good enough’) and delegate. We all need help! Maybe there are even tasks that can be deleted.

9. Take Care of Yourself

Stress from perfectionism can take a toll on your health. Make sure to take breaks, get enough sleep, eat well, and do things you enjoy.

Moving Forward

Overcoming perfectionism is a journey, not a destination. Be patient with yourself as you work on changing these thinking patterns. It’s okay if you slip back into old habits sometimes – what’s important is that you keep trying.

Remember, the goal isn’t to not have standards, but to set more realistic and healthy ones. By letting go of perfectionism, you can reduce stress, boost your confidence, and find more joy in your accomplishments.

If you’re struggling with perfectionism and find it’s seriously affecting your life, don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional. They can provide personalized strategies to help you develop healthier thought patterns and improve your overall well-being.

You’re not alone in this journey. With time and practice, you can learn to be kinder to yourself and embrace the beauty of being imperfectly human.

Learn More

If you’re interested in learning more about the connection between anxiety and perfectionism, we invite you to check out our Anxiety Therapy Page.

If you’d like to reach out to us, you are welcome to contact us here.